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White Belt Match-ups




White belt versus white belt:

A frenetic display of arms and legs.

Two vessels surging with adrenaline, caffeine, and testosterone.

Inevitably one or both will get hurt.

Someone is bound to lose an eye or several teeth.


White belt versus blue belt:

The blue belt has something to prove.

In an attempt to dominate the “lower” white belt the blue belt abandons control and reverts to bad habits, giving the appearance of a white belt match.

In the frenzy, the blue belt will invariably take an accidental knee to the groin.


White belt versus purple belt:

The purple belt is a shark, and all white belts are minnows.

The purple belt is often the dojo’s mat enforcer.

He’s a deadly combination of controlled technique and uncontrolled aggression.

He shows no mercy to white belts. He will mercilessly torture and submit the white belt with the latest calf slicer/heel hook combo he learned at last month’s seminar.

Since the white belt is under complete control of the purple belt, the higher belt is safe from any flailing knees or elbows.


White belt versus brown belt:

The brown belt is beginning to master his technique and aggression.

But his body is starting to break down, so he welcomes the opportunity to flow-roll.

He assumes a “teacher” roll with the new white belt. He’s more concerned with the white belt’s game then his own.

He’s experienced enough to control the session, allowing the white belt to work through the steps of a submission, only to escape at the last second.

Coming around in life's full circle, the brown belt shows compassion to a new white belt.


White belt versus (random) black belt:

Only really experienced at a seminar during the “open mat” session.

The black belt views rolling with the random white belt as a perfunctory task.

After five minutes of complete control and dominance, the two end the match by slapping hands and bumping fists. The white belt feels lucky to have survived. The black belt walks off not giving the white belt another thought.


White belt versus (coach) black belt:

The white belt’s black belt professor knows everything about the beginner’s jiu jitsu game and little about him personally.

He knows his physical strengths and his weaknesses. He knows whether the white belt eats well or not. He knows if he is having a good day or a bad day.

He may, or may not, know the white belt’s name. In any dojo across the country, white belts come and go like the wind. The professor’s capacity to memorize details is limited to those who show commitment.

The black belt is clairvoyant when it comes to a white belt’s jiu jitsu game. He’s a master in chess and anticipates the beginner's actions three moves in advance. The white belt’s most dynamic move can be shut down simply by grabbing his belt. (Ask me how I know this.)

In the extremely rare event the white belt catches the black belt off guard and is successful in a sweep or a submission it will be immediately followed by a terrifying flurry of repetitive submissions and painful positions. There is a painful price to pay for luck.

Trash talking towards your professor is highly discouraged. Refer back to the previous paragraph for an explanation.

Any effort to raise the white flag before the timed match is over will be met with a “fuck you, fight through it you pussy!” His job is to push the white belt beyond his own expectations. He knows the mind gives up before the body does.


White belt versus (celebrity) black belt:

The white belt who has the privilege of rolling with a world champion or celebrity black belt has two equally mutual fears. The fear of accidently injuring the black belt, and always being known as “that guy”. And the fear of the black belt intentionally putting the white belt in traction.


White belt versus coral belt:

The white belt avoids all eye contact with the coral belt while on the mats. In the event of accidental eye contact, the white belt suddenly receives an emergency phone call and has to step off the mats.


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